Wisdom

 In moments of silent introspection I am compelled to assess the reasons some find me so annoying.

Preeminent , it seems, is my haughty dispensation¹ of advice. To anyone. About anything.

So it follows, as the night the day, that I must take umbrage when an acquaintance instructs me in the manner of my existence.

I've been told that I'm a “know it all,” to which I arrogantly asserted “Well, I do!”

Please understand, I am humbly aware of my lack of education, and I am constantly amazed at the breadth of my ignorance. One thing I know, is that I don't know it all.

My "Well, I do" was merely an attempt to irritate my friend.

Worked.

Socrates Quotes

“I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.”

“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.”

I presume to know SOME things — mostly unimportant trivialities. But when I see a friend about to eat a poisonous mushroom I am compelled to speak.

“Damn the torpedoes. Full speed ahead!”

Only yesterday an acquaintance recommended that I read a media article headed “Ways you can protect yourself against an STI.”

I had to look it up. I didn't know the meaning of the acronym “STI.”

“Well? Are you going to read it?”

I respectfully declined.

The insistence was almost overpowering.

Lighting a metaphorical cigarette, I paused, then revealed my qualifications:

“You are looking at a man who lived most of his life on the Texas Gulf Coast, enjoying all the splendors that the shoreline can provide. And in the 1960's I published a technique for avoiding shark attacks.”

“And?”

“It was widely accepted. Those who adopted and practiced it unnaminously praised it.”

    Predictably I was rebuked for the use of a non-word. I ignored it.

"Well?”

“What?”

“What is the technique to avoid a shark attack?”

I paused and lit another imaginary cigarette. Continuing,

“It is a two stage procedure. First, one must studiously inquire of the habits of the various species of shark.”

“So?”

“Well, then the technique reveals itself, for it is self-evident.”

I arose and walked to the door, to depart for my residence.

The intense, urgent, insistent demand followed me:

“But what is it? How do you do it?”

I borrowed from my experience in a marching band to adopt a staccato rhythm, timing each word with a step through the door:

“Stay ...

   out …

      of …

         the …

            water ...

So be it with STI.           Adios, MF!”

1 Dispensation is the act of dispensing or dealing out; distribution — I hadda look it up!